I told myself that I'd get focused.

But here it is, 12:37 am, and I'm making mac and cheese.

And so it goes.

and counting.

Freshman: So, do you actually know how football works?
Me: Hi, I've been to every football game for the past three years, what's up?

chivalry is dead.

today, in the back hall:

Girl, to boyfriend holding her books: You don't have to hold my books if you don't wa---
Boy: [shoves books back in girl's hands]
Girl: Oh.

oh god of progress, have you degraded or forgot us?

First day of school?

No, thank you.

All the years before, it's been such a big deal to come back to school. I would see all my friends who I hadn't seen in ages, we'd all talk, and I'd tell them all the petty adventures that I had over the summer, and we'd all laugh and carry on in our various cliques and groups. This year, almost all of my good friends don't go to Lassiter (or have ditched me for joint enrollment...), and I have changed more over the summer than I probably have thus far in my life. Not really stuff for shallow small talk. So people say, "Hey, Cara,  how was your summer?" And I smile politely and tell them it was fine, and move on. Because really, no one wants to hear anything more than that.

How disappointing.

Part of a Questionnaire for Ms. Finch's class:

Name: Cara Eggers
Hobbies: piano, art, graphic design
Clubs: band.
Pet Peeves: BAD GRAMMAR
What differentiates you from other students: I care about grammar?
Anything else I should know (mortal enemies who you can absolutely not sit next to, etc.)? Well, I'm not a big fan of Ethan Protas, to be honest...I mean, not mortal enemies or anything, but, you know...

a theme song.

A few months back someone asked me what I thought my theme song was. One of the songs I picked was A Makeover, by Shearwater. It talks about how all good things just kind of slip away, and good things never last. Kind of depressing, really, but it's pretty true. Everything fades, washes away, and sometimes you're just left with a memory of what was once great. I've always had this feeling of urgency, like my life is just slipping away and I'm grasping at it, trying to savor the good moments a little longer. Every wonderful moment I've ever experienced has always been tainted with a nagging in the back of my brain, like a scratch on an otherwise perfect pane of glass, that says "No, this is not going to last. You can't keep this." It drives me crazy. To add to this, I have a horrible memory, so I live in constant fear of forgetting all the experience that keep me going. So I get distracted from having a good time by trying to force these memories into a more permanent section of my brain.
          One of my favorite things from Lord of the Rings was one of the rings that was given to the elves. It gave the wearer the power to make things unchanging for eternity. Pardon my nerdiness, but I would kill for that ring.